I am really not feeling it

In our community pasture there are many trees that make the walking path interesting.

It has been a tough practice (notice I did not say struggle), of finding inspiration these past weeks.

So yesterday this tree just spoke at me. The hole in it is interesting and it spooked me. I thought “I don’t want to be like this tree this holiday season.”

I have gone back through the months of the year that trouble me the most and it is the month of August and also especially the month of November. Why?

Events happened in my childhood and in being a parent through the years and a trigger comes up for me. For August

  • the pressure of summer ending and school plans, school list of supplies was annoying. So much pressure to get your children ready to learn in a public setting. I am thinking that is why August is harder and also the work in entertaining your children through summer as well. By August I was either finally in a routine with the boys at home with me OR I was completely played out in not giving myself time to enjoy the summer in a relaxing way.

  • November is a month I totally understand as stressful. The pressure of Christmas and family gatherings and you name it I would go through all the worries of gifts to start thinking about and arranging whose parents we would be spending Christmas Day with. All I ever wanted to do was stay in my own home under my own tree Christmas Day. Could not stand my ground in those days.

Now with this virus and I am retired and soon to be pensioner, it really is funny that I can still hold on to these memories in my body for those 2 months of the year. I have been aware of this now for a few years. Interesting though.

I have never gotten into affirmations. I do have a definition of what an affirmation is.

It is a strong, positive statement that something is already so.

The restrictions on our lifestyle this year can add or let go of what is or was. An affirmation statement right now might help.

My not feeling it is really just me not affirming that I am an inspiration for someone else and we all shine our light without realizing how.

In summary, we do not know a lot of the time, who is looking up to us and who we may be inspiring.

So shine yourself brightly and keep looking up to the sky for more than we see. There are answers.

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