thanksgiving then and now

I lost a loved one 15 years ago.

I realize that every time a memory appears that shows that I could have been a more thoughtful caring person at that time; Guess what shows up….

Guilt.

If only I did this instead of that.

Hindsight is 20/20

STOP. I created a boundary about memories of guilt and should have and could have.

A bad memory is recognizing something in my loved one that I should have seen and attended to, or I did notice and brushed it off at the time. Whoa! well then, Stop. It’s over. Boundary!

It is wasted energy and I turn the guilty, sad memory to:

Knowing how fortunate it was for me to have loved and realize it was a blessing being important in that individual’s life. This is a worthy memory. A memory that has value for me. There were lovely beautiful times and I got 18 years of bringing a baby into our home and doing what I knew best to do. Making adjustments and learning all through those 18 years.

I am thankful that God gives us memory pictures of our losses and reminds us that this person was part of my beautiful journey. The guilt is no longer of value because my life is guided by that guilt now in a good way.

Thankful to have thanksgiving to remind all of us that memories can be re-directed and made into a wonderful documentary of what we did well and contributed at those times.

I exist, I am here, I count, I am worthwhile, I have a future.

I just remember:

That was then. This is now.

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